Crucial sweeping changes need to be made to our educational system in the US

Put Humanity at Core of National Education

Failing the next generation

Across our nation, we (adults) are failing. Generally speaking, schools set the tone for societal norms. The way we speak to people, maintain relationships with people, our work ethic, and it becomes a mini society to both learn and practice within. If we are lucky, we build ties with adults who support us in correcting our actions and gaining coping skills and ending any behavior toward us that in the larger society we’d utilize the police for. The bigger problem is that in today’s modern world, more money has been put into technology, sports equipment, and other areas to make each school the best as far as “status” or pay to attract “the best”. We’ve even put large sums into technology for security due to the rates of school violence, drug use, sales, dangerous behavior and shootings.

In New York State, known as the most rigorous state for education with the Regents Diploma, I see a failure, a gap. A number of schools even used extra funds for mental health to boost security to include armed guards instead of enriching their emotional / mental health program.

To this I say, not only do they not know who they are looking for but there is plenty of other trauma associated with going to school with armed guards However, as we learn more each day, we should find the answers staring back at us, if we could just step back for a moment.

For socially conscious schools, in the mid 2000’s SEL or social -emotional learning was a new emerging concept. Linking social issues with classroom content was a huge push across districts.

Where we used to support  students in the code of conduct and relating to each other better, creating classroom rules; a lesson I facilitated is not enough.  Discussions that simply link  functioning in our society to Hammurabi’s code or the constitution are no longer applicable to new generations in making change in our society.

I spent over 13 years going into classrooms teaching about social emotional issues using research based programs mixed with situations the students would come up with. They would have differential learning experiences from watching video’s to reading to discussions to experiential learning experiences (from skits to news casts). This was the real deal and what needs to be the focus, units on feelings (anger- depression), increasing self-esteem, resiliency and using positive methods of communication during challenging moments. Management of what is going on in the community, at home, and at school. This in depth work is what is needed at this time.

The Topics : The Real Deal

Our students/kids might be aware of the hostile situations abroad but, between the pandemic and many lost family members, family businesses, and homes too, the riots in recent years both political and racial;  I still advocate against the wrongs. These issues have been with us since before my children were born. I witness worse racism, harassment, bullying and verbal, physical, and violence by weapons ( guns, knives etc) most fatal in nature and many over 3-30 casualties, then when I was in school. As an LCSW and a parent, I have seen first hand how these evils ( schools call them “Micro-aggressions”) can lead to decreased self – esteem, victims becoming bullies, lost confidence in school and sports, depression, low frustration tolerance, and continued social – emotional health issues throughout life, limited coping skills, and criminal behavior including homicide and suicide. Anything that impacts society so greatly I call “macro”.

Humanity

A “push in” by the social worker ( most schools don’t even do) isn’t going to deprogram the generations to come… Kids are in school 35 hours a week- roughly 10 mo. a year. There is a lot of time to retrain and influence them. We need to start to use it! In order to be a productive member of society and utilize the skills taught in school, I believe we need to solidify the understanding of humanity. 

“Tell an adult” isn’t working anymore for a host of reasons. One reason is that students are afraid of the repercussions for sharing. Another, is that depending upon the administration, and their relationship with the community, and it’s make-up (rural, suburban, urban) the response within in the schools can be vastly different. This was a complete shock to me. I was under the impression that our federal laws dictate student safety and protection from racism, harassment etc, not the location of the  public school setting. However, I have had eye opening experiences with situations regarding rural vs. suburban school gun, racism, and harassment responses. Even to the surprise of students, who at first, expect a strong disciplinary response and become aware that it doesn’t occur in their setting and either see their own latitude, or loss of protection.

Laws

I strongly believe a state- wide or federal law is intended by the government to be uniform across all public school environments. I don’t see a need to convince parents (although their education and support would be extraordinary) but, to teach students and uphold the law as a school district. I cannot accept the excuse that “our community is just not there yet” regarding a federal law. Then the district is not following the law or acting humane or just. 

The Zero Tolerance Excuse 

”Zero Tolerance  “ policies have been scrutinized as they don’t take specific circumstances into consideration and in urban and some suburban areas were heavily punishing students for first time offenses. Today, many schools practice “progressive discipline”.
I am a believer in progressive discipline. unless the offense threatens the safety and well being of someone or the student themselves. In my view, that includes hate related speech, symbols and sexual or other continued harassment. When admitted to as serious or repeated, or witnessed in that way…then it is not a first offense.

Humanity and Social Media Today

Unfortunately, what our students / children are being exposed to on social media and movies and the crimes committed by minors are much more violent. This is not our fault but as we identify this, let us look at what we can do to show the importance of human life and engrain that into them from an early age throughout school. As a parent, I hear all the time… “I can’t not give them snap, or tik tok.” My own children  who are middle and high school age don’t have these, or access to about 1000 others. It is just accepted : never happening.

What I learned on the Inside

Working within middle and high schools for the majority of my career, three things where clear… social media was the demise of self-esteem, friendships and it negatively impacted academics.

TIPS-
1. The best thing you can do for your child is NOT allow other students 24/7 access to them in a million other ways! Especially, by people that wouldn’t otherwise be able to speak with them by text. A few bad texts can ruin a night. Just wait until snap and chat on a million websites are spoken about.. that they feel compelled to read.

Tips •try to model for your child how to be successful and what is serious and what is not

•Urge your children to get first hand information before they get upset about anything written or said to them by a 3, 4th party. Misinformation is common, and then they should let it go. 

•Any first hand knowledge of a threat to them on or off school property should go directly to school administration by you with your evidence ( direct text from person, voice mail). Try to get the details before connecting and if possible go in or have your child go to school admin directly 1st thing in the morning with that evidence.
If it involves the bus someone will need to drive them in until you can speak with the school.

•The school may suggest to you if there is a specific threat off of school property ( bus is school property) to report it to the police,

Do you want a safer society?

More to come! It is possible!

#getinspired
#writingchange

Welcome Back…

•Guide to Public School Education •Services, and Advocacy for health, disability and General Education  Coping •Peer Issues•Vaping & Items not allowed in Schools•Racism & Harassment • Dress• Positive Reinforcement•Violence in School & Society 

These topics & more covered in new book & guides coming out 2023!

Start here with School Safety Plans Not Making The Cut & Why 

•Day 2 of School 2022-2023

“It’s about to get heavy”

School Safety • Who to listen to?
•Back to School.. new grade, new lockers, new notebooks, new teachers, classes.

•Familiar faces (happy and irritating) both can make you feel happy to get back to your regular bus or school schedule!

•After a great first day …reality set in.

As A Parent, LCSW and Educator

On day two, hearing the familiar school safety drills were addressed in all grade levels… there was quite a discrepancy in the take-away from the lesson, and drills reviewed. 

•Prior to sharing my views based on experience, research & state mandates, I will share the issue. It appears that this is treated in some districts as if the game of telephone ( you tell one person, they tell another, and so on…).
When staff has to teach building safety to their students in todays violent society;  my expectation would be that it is done clearly and communicated in the same manner to all students by grade level 

WHY?

• Schools have a responsibility to acknowledge humanity. Everyone from parent, student to staff carries their own life experiences. In fact, this discussion was only a few days prior to 9/11. In NYS and elsewhere that hits a lot of people hard.
•This said, is if the sum of the information that is relayed to the class cannot be a uniform message as we’d like, it presents a huge problem.
As eluded to .. the information is then a mere individual staff member’s interpretation. This includes taking into account their role, any feelings of fear, anger, or frustration with the process or topic.
•Unless staff has fully processed their own issues, expressed concerns about the plan and been directed to have consistency in discussions across the buildings, safety will be compromised. 

At this point, the drill is immediately compromised, the message changed to the staff member’s view and that is how and what, is shared with their students. This impacts how successful the plan will be executed. 
🚒🚨🌪🌩🌨🔫🔒🚌🤷🏻‍♀️🤒🩺 🏦 Many things can cause the need for emergency evacuations- not just school shootings which is what I think staff is focused on. A school near a bank frequently robbed can cause numerous lockdowns. A person having an accident into the utility pole, an illness or threat of school violence.

_______________________________

Vignette 1 (school staff member of grades 6-8• not a known person) 

• Sample Situation I know of the drill “practice and discussion event “ went to some interesting places.

•One took place in a NYS suburban middle school
1. Class Discussion students were spoken to about how to physically take on the “person in the building “ during a lockdown with reaching toward the head ear and neck and eye area.
a. There are a number of alternatives for this.* 

2. Drill for lockdown  When students followed their instructions the staff member asked why they were in the one side of the room… they pointed out in the particular room you cannot be seen in different areas..from the window 

a. Uniform rules for all students in rooms should apply unless special area ( these areas should be discussed) but from class to class students should not deviate or be discouraged from doing what they know).

3. Drill to Safe Place These same students were supposed to follow “coordinates”  to lead them to teacher – half the class ended up somewhere else. Nothing else was made clear. 

Issues My professional opinion is there was little value to this. Nothing seemed well communicated or carried out well so that it could be executed during an emergency. Kids were taught physical skills for use without experiential training and against weapons this was advise that I am not comfortable with. 

Organizational  Knowledge 
•At it’s core the need to develop organizational knowledge related to safety plans is a state-wide law for school districts. How professionals communicate information on this delicate subject to their staff, and students is left up to the individual district

•As my original course of study was Sociology, Health & Human Services and Media( you need not have that background) to help identify that we are all, as people inherently different in our interpretations of information.
•Humans vary on their perception based on their experiences which often impact our sensitivity, expertise, and comfort level with certain issues.

•Unless a lot of self – reflection is done, we cannot step away from our own biases. Try to address a myriad of safety issues and it will showcase a vast array of different approaches based on the topic and the person. 

Best Practice•
•As a school social worker, alumni mentor,  administrator, and business owner everything I was taught to explain was fact based on pre -planned information.

•Advising a hallway of over 10 classrooms through every emergency for over 10 years, I had the responsibility to support each staff member in following plans, listening to my radio for changes and following instructions through various steps of each drill. My job was to continue get to them and check every hall in between to be sure they were safety in a central area. I was aways the last out.

•In running fire drills for a building of over 1000 students my responsibility was to be sure I was the last one there, no matter what and watch our time while radioing to be sure all students were accounted for and the building was throughly checked and local fire and district office duties were full filled prior to an organized return and full attendance.

The Bottom Line 
•In no scenario was a child to be alone in a bathroom, roaming the halls, or running out of the building.

Mitigating the circumstances 
•There came a time years ago, after the Newtown tragedy (a district not too far) when the protocol changed.

•No classroom was left unlocked at anytime during the day

•The ultimate goal was to stop most every attempt to have kids and staff exposed or alone during there time in the building . 

•The locked door plan was heavily enforced and extended to teachers not letting teachers or students in at any door after the start of school without their key card. The only entrance after that time was the main door.

• Student re-entry to visit from previous years had to have an appointment and that teacher had to let the office know.

•There we’re some items the plan didn’t take into account.* Overall, it was excellent and on the whole safer than open classrooms. 

Getting Heavy 

•Today, everything from school violence to “ lockdowns” to self -defense during lockdowns ( should your child find themselves faced with the perpetrator) was laid out by teachers based on their personal knowledge.
•Teacher fear is normal and should be addressed by unions, and superintendents.*
•The school building should have more preparations *

*I go into this further in my book coming out soon! 

Stick to the Script: Best for Staff

To support parents or teens :

Please check that your child did not pick up any extra info from school, peers, siblings, movies or other schools. 

•I acknowledge the words of support shared regarding other options on self defense comes from fear and love … it is not safe in this informal setting- generally, not at all.

•I ask that we do not allow informal  teaching by explanation of self defense (a few moves to young kids with a range of height and strength)…this is not preparedness against weapons and can cause many different unfavorable outcomes. *

•I offer the only answer against a gun is no answer. We have to accept that and do more to create safe schools, and deal with school violence.*

•The best preparation is zero physical preparation other than other means of protection.

•Teaching kids to run out … nothing in their hands – “generally a no.*

•I share this as a long- time school staff / admin member in NYC, the Bronx, Long Island NY. MST Therapist with teens in schools, courts, and homes in Buffalo, avid researcher of school violence, and anti violence procedures and above all else a parent. 

Message for You:
•May the heaviest things get for your child this year be the peer issues dealt with as kids or less!

•Society has become a different place.

* Watch for new ways to manage peer / social anxiety, media etc coming soon !

Thank you to all the school staff and educators, parents and students … nothing is easy everyday is a work in progress! 

•Wishing you, your child and school staff a brilliant and calm school year!

M. Abramsky LCSW… For more info stay tuned on book coming out soon addressing this and more!

Break It Down

Music Is Everything

Allow your mind to focus on the sounds, the keys, your breathing, or any movement associated with the music you are hearing, feeling or creating.

Music Is Energy

The very process of using your instrument is physical and can relax tense muscles in the same way a sport can.
Music Is Rhythm•Get up and dance ! The ultimate energizer, feel good past-time and it fuels your body with endorphins like exercise!

Music Is The Zone

Music can be a creative outlet. Certain songs can help you work through difficult times in your life. While other pieces of music put you into a “zone” where you can restore balance and feel more relaxed and practice regular relaxation techniques on a regular basis!

Music Is A Story

Through music you can journal with or without words. Emotions can be conveyed through sound, tone and melody. Whether listening to your own, or someone else’s music it can relate a powerful story!

•Don’t forget to use music to change your mood!
•It’s never too late to create
•Dance even if you think it’s silly
•Learn an instrument
•Use Music to whether the storm

Love’s Compass

*written to an aunt loved & those that will take a step each day toward uncharted waters after loss. my thoughts are with you.
keep swimming. m.abramsky

Love’s Compass

🌻“A blue sky, warm sand, and thoughts of fish that bubbled by the cove. No longer can she picture them but the thoughts still give way to a life so beautiful and bold. Her teary memories of a loved one missed,  a season, a state, a change… whatever the feeling, a loss like this is certainly never welcome on any day.

Along come strong winds and the fight she put up to steer her ship a new path. On her face a frown from the cracks that remain in the aftermath.

A sudden thought creates a smile as a tear is whisked from her eye. It is then that she knew about the cracks and why! They were her gift. The love she’d shared was something that some people never had in their entire lifetime. Some days it would hurt and some it would sting but on this day… that truth carried her heart home.

Her compass was now set to a place where she’ll never feel torn again. Her love never leaves her to steer alone.”

You’ve Got This!